Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
