I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
