On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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