i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
