My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
