I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
