this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
