stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
