Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Randomize
