Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
