I must be too annoying 4 u.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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