first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Randomize
