just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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