remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
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