We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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