this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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