I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
