I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
You ruined the universe
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
