Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
She needs sedatives and a leash
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
