I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
