So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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