I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
