You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
