Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
