The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
