Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
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