talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
