I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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