God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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