i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
