so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Small penises have feelings too.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Randomize
