We won't sleep together?
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
