gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Randomize
