He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
