Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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