I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
