Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
