Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
