If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
