Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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