I'm pants shitting drunk right now
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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