On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
