Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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