i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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