walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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