I will die if light touches me.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
