Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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