my vag is so smooth its legendary
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Ladies don't puke and tell
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