Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Randomize
