So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
