M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
So squirting runs in the family.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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