why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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