I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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